3 Reasons Why Longsuffering Is Worth It

by Katy Kauffman

Angst. Don’t we feel that when someone has wronged us? Angst, frustration, and most likely anger. Thoughts can run through our minds like, How could they do that? and, That wasn’t fair.

Whether it’s a tiny wrong like someone cutting us off in traffic or a gigantic breach of trust caused by a friend, a hurtful situation can turn into an opportunity. Not an opportunity to let someone “have it,” but an opportunity for God’s work to be evident within us. When someone hurts us, our own wellspring of patience can dry up quickly. We need God’s help.

A Powerful Tool for Relationships

Found in Galatians 5:22-23, the fruit of the Spirit is famous for its first three characteristics—love, joy, and peace. It would be easy to skip over the fourth godly trait to talk about the fifth one which is kindness. But between peace and kindness is a powerful tool for our relationships—longsuffering. The apostle Paul groups it with other good traits in Ephesians as well.

“Walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:1-2 NKJV*)

To do right by God and the plans He has for us, we need lowliness, or humility, with gentleness, longsuffering, and love.

Just what is longsuffering? It means that it takes us a while before we “pop our lid” or boil over with anger.¹ Longsuffering, or forbearance, is a “slowness in avenging wrongs,”² opposed to “wrath and revenge.”³ This is not our normal human way of dealing with what is hurtful, but it’s an essential tool for building up our relationships instead of tearing them down. And it’s powerful for recovering from the sting of hurt.

Do we want to survive emotional wounds and not let them cripple us for life? Longsuffering helps.

Do we want to represent God well in the world and not reflect badly on Him? Longsuffering is key.

Do we want to see what God can do in a relationship to make things better, instead of us striving in our limited strength and insight? Longsuffering helps us to take a step back, cool down, and depend on God for the best course of action.  

We need the Holy Spirit’s work in our hearts to help us recover from hurts of all kinds and look for ways to make a situation better. Sometimes the other person won’t be willing to do their part, but we can at least do our part to have a godly response, one that is sustained by the Spirit’s power and not our own.

If we find ourselves in an abusive relationship, the best course of action is to get help immediately. We can seek God’s guidance and confide in a trusted friend or counselor. We can seek the help of law enforcement or a shelter. God can help us to escape a dangerous situation and find a path that is safer for us and any loved ones we care for.

In other kinds of relationships, God helps us to know what to do as well. The question is whether we want to choose longsuffering over anger.

Why Longsuffering Is Worth It

I know my own heart needs to embrace longsuffering better, and God gives us reasons why this characteristic is worthy of pursuit. Why should we cooperate with the Holy Spirit’s work within us to let anger diminish and longsuffering grow? Here are three reasons.

1. If we choose a gentle response, we can stay calm enough to hear from God and know what to do.

When someone distorts God’s word or says something hurtful to me or a friend, my heart pounds. I don’t want them to get away with it. I want to say something!

That emotional upheaval isn’t very helpful though in having a godly response. A wise friend once told me, “The truth is the truth no matter who agrees with it.”

If we can remember that God Himself defends truth and upholds people’s value at the same time, maybe we can calm down enough to hear His direction on the spot, whether we should say anything or not. He is never lacking in on-the-spot-wisdom, and He knows how to turn a tense situation into good for us and the one who caused it.

2. We can deflect someone’s hurtful words to listen to what their heart is saying.

Why is someone being hurtful? Are they lashing out against us because they are lonely or hurt? Have they been the victim of someone else’s bullying? We can ask God for wisdom to know the why behind their actions, and that might help us to take hurts in stride.

3. We don’t just represent ourselves in the world.

A hurtful word or action against us may be Satan’s trap.If we lose our cool, we may lose our good witness for God. So how do we resist becoming a bully in order to deal with a bully?

Two questions can help. We can ask the one who hurt us something like, “Did I do something to make you say that (or do that)?” If the answer is no, the next question is: “Did you mean to hurt my feelings when you …?” If that answer is no, we’re that much closer to resolving the conflict.

If they don’t show remorse for what they did (and even if they do), we can remember these one-liners. These come from wise friends or past experience.

• The truth is the truth no matter who agrees with it.
• You know who you are, and no one can change that.
• You know who you are, and you don’t always have to prove it.
• We never know what battle the other person may be fighting. (And that’s why they spewed on us.)

Before we “draw swords” with someone, we can remember God’s prescription for a tense situation—“A soft answers turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). We can remember God’s very essence is love (1 John 4:8), and with gratitude, remember how He has been longsuffering towards us.

Which of the three reasons above would you help to let anger diminish and longsuffering grow? Tell us in the comments!

*All Scripture is taken from the NKJV.
1. Larry Pierce, The Online Bible, CD-ROM (Winterbourne, Ontario: Larry Pierce, 2023), Galatians 5:22.
2. Ibid.
3. Ibid.